I have realized that big dreams come with big determination
I have realized that what you expect from people you 99.9% of the time DONT get
I have realized that falling into God's footsteps for you requires ALOT of faith.
-I have realized me.
Its like that saying, "You learn something new about someone everyday". Well I think we learn something new about OURSELVES everyday, and if its not something new then its something we havent noticed yet or have overlooked. Kind of like when you find a cool new setting on your phone that you have had 2+ years. Its always been there you just hadnt stumbled across it yet.
I realize in times of discouragment, resentment, frustration and pure cold anger something "new" about myself every time. Ive started to see that I can control my anger and tongue better now, but it doesnt stop what I have to say and it sure as anything doesnt stop the tremors that rumble through my body because I chose to stay silent. I chose to be less vocal on things. Now thats definatly not because im scared of what response I may get or who I may lose, not in the least. If you cant handle me at my worst then you definatly dont deserve me at my best, right?
I also realize that what you expect from people is usually going to dissapoint you SOMEWHERE down that road. You build up this facade on people, build them up in your head, or actually, for me I should say that I build them up in my HEART. I try to convince my head that "HEY! Hes a good guy!" "I know he did very hurtful things to me and CHEATED on me, but he can change right?". When really im just making my heart look like a fool so that my head can call me out on it. Like my head says "Look here idiot, your not fooling ANYONE! I see him and I see how fake he is. Tiffany, he CHEATED on you! Hes LIED to you, BOLD-FACED lied to you! Hes CUSSED you like you werent anything more to him than a speck of dirt on his shoe! So when are you gonna stop trying to tell me that hes gonna change?" Ohhhh how girls just loveeee following their stupid heart huh? Guilty as charged. Thats GOTTA change. Im working on it.
Evermore falling into God's footsteps for me has required me to step away from what I want and my comfort zone...alot! Thats what walking with God is about right? From a previous post I stated that I had CRIED and YELLED out to God for him to HELP me, to take me AWAY, take my feelings AWAY from this boy (not even really worthy to be called a man) if he was not who I was going to marry or be with 3 years from now. That night as I drove away, not even 50 miles from his house I felt nothing anymore. As hard as this story is for me to share NOT ONLY because I feel that it sounds crazy and people wont take it seriously or believe it (which its not like I should care because I know what I feel and felt that night and I know what God told me and bestowed inside me) but also because I feel that people wouldnt believe it because I still see him and hang out with him. I realize that I am not only dissapointing me and what I KNOW I should do but also God. With every argument and disagreement I can almost hear God saying to me, "Tiffany, you CRIED out to me to help you and I DID! I took your hurt away and am standing here in front of you sheltering you from that hurt and sheltering you from your feelings for him. Not because im trying to punish you but because I know WHAT he is, I CREATED HIM. I SEE your future and I see and HAVE SAW everything he IS GOING TO DO to you and everything HE HAS DONE TO YOU! I gave you that experience to learn not to feel like its all you deserve and are ever going to have. I heard your cries, wiped your tears and took your feelings away and I need you to trust me and walk away from him with ME, YOUR CREATOR!" And after everytime I catch myself having went to see him or text him I feel guilty, almost as if im dissapointing. Like my faith isnt big enough yet to walk with him. Which makes me feel discouraged and dissapointed in myself. Like yet again hes saying to me "You keep going back, so I am going to keep giving you arguments and disagreements and unfaithfulness from him everytime. Not because I want you to hurt but becaue I LOVE YOU! I need you to see that I WANT YOU TO WALK WITH ME AND TRUST ME! I'll keep trying, you asked for me to help you and gave it to me. I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN TIFFANY BROOKE!"
I am working very hard to build up my faith strong enough to move mountains! Ultimatly strong enough to walk away from Bryan. To put him in the past, and to leave him there. I want to stop keeping him there as my "security blanket" and my person to make me feel loved or to tell me im beautiful. I need my prince charming to resue me, but that ultimatly cant happen until I take my God's hand and let him lead me in his footsteps for me. I know I can do it and with time I know I WILL!
"I waited paitently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry."
Psalm 40:1
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Finding myself.
It really sucks to see change, and not good change that is. Im talking about change that you know deep down in your heart you dont want.
--Like when you hear the man you have loved for 4 years tell you that no other woman will ever compare to you and that he will always want you and you will always have his heart. Then somehow after he hurts you that final time and your heart finally screams out "OKAY IM DONE, IVE HAD ENOUGHHHH FROM YOU!" Thats when I realize it will never be the same. Which ultimatly sucks.
Now im not saying im not proud of myself that I can give you up so easy, because I am. Jesus helped me with that when I left your house and cried out to God in the comfort and confinment of my 4-runner. I had literally been broken in half and beaten down by your careless actions and words for 3-1/2 years. I had to restore myself not only to get over you but restore myself in Jesus. I am very proud of myself, in fact im ecstatic. But I am ultimatly grieving the fact that I will in time soon lose your family that I love so much and have been so close too..and in fact I will lose you. I dont know why I can honestly feel nothing for you but still love you so much and grieve losing you. I miss hearing your voice, texting you 24/7, seeing you, kissing you..you holding me. I miss it all..every ounce of it. I feel like I wont ever find someone like you..but then I think..isnt that the point? I dont need another you because you HURT me, CHEATED on me, LIED to me, NEGLECTED me and ultimatly scarred me physically and emotionally. Now another man will have to try to fix my trust issues and insecurities. Great. Honestly im honestly so bitter at you because you took my innocence for nothing other than your pleasure with no remorse. And that right there makes me want to hate you! And still to this day that is one thing I hope God never lets you rest with. NEVER.
--Although I am hurting in every aspect I believe I can hurt in, I will press foward. I will rejoice in truth and overcome my doubts. I WILL make it. And I WILL prevail. I can do this with God on my side. He has already proven that to me.
Now just trust him and walk with him Tiffany
<3 God Bless
--Like when you hear the man you have loved for 4 years tell you that no other woman will ever compare to you and that he will always want you and you will always have his heart. Then somehow after he hurts you that final time and your heart finally screams out "OKAY IM DONE, IVE HAD ENOUGHHHH FROM YOU!" Thats when I realize it will never be the same. Which ultimatly sucks.
Now im not saying im not proud of myself that I can give you up so easy, because I am. Jesus helped me with that when I left your house and cried out to God in the comfort and confinment of my 4-runner. I had literally been broken in half and beaten down by your careless actions and words for 3-1/2 years. I had to restore myself not only to get over you but restore myself in Jesus. I am very proud of myself, in fact im ecstatic. But I am ultimatly grieving the fact that I will in time soon lose your family that I love so much and have been so close too..and in fact I will lose you. I dont know why I can honestly feel nothing for you but still love you so much and grieve losing you. I miss hearing your voice, texting you 24/7, seeing you, kissing you..you holding me. I miss it all..every ounce of it. I feel like I wont ever find someone like you..but then I think..isnt that the point? I dont need another you because you HURT me, CHEATED on me, LIED to me, NEGLECTED me and ultimatly scarred me physically and emotionally. Now another man will have to try to fix my trust issues and insecurities. Great. Honestly im honestly so bitter at you because you took my innocence for nothing other than your pleasure with no remorse. And that right there makes me want to hate you! And still to this day that is one thing I hope God never lets you rest with. NEVER.
--Although I am hurting in every aspect I believe I can hurt in, I will press foward. I will rejoice in truth and overcome my doubts. I WILL make it. And I WILL prevail. I can do this with God on my side. He has already proven that to me.
Now just trust him and walk with him Tiffany
<3 God Bless
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
The things I would say.
Do you ever wonder, if you died today would your loved ones truly know how you felt about them?
-Now, im not saying I do. Yet again im not saying that I ever implied that I did, lost yet?
With the way the world is today you just honestly never know and the most important thing, You never know when God needs you to come home.
-So if I were to pass away tomorrow, 7 months from now or 36 years from now I have hope that on the off chance one of my loved ones were browsing here they would stumble across my blog and just see exactly what they meant to me.
-So have you guessed it yet? I bet you have, but if not..im going to write what my loved ones mean to me and what I would want them to know if I would happen to pass away before they do.
*Momma- Oh where to start, you are SUCH a STRONG and BEAUTIFUL lady! You have everything you need to succeed and you dont need ANYONE to help you to get there. You are my role model and have taught me more than you will ever know. Lauren Alaina said it best when she said "Like my mother does", and as you know. That is my song to you. It describes us to a tee. You have never left my side through best (fake) friends, boyfriends, tears, bosses and everything else in between you have been there to wipe away my tears, pull me back to my feet, kiss my cheek and help me press foward. Not only have you been there for me in those areas but have also helped to keep me in check with God. You are willing to hear me out and help me. We also have this cool thing where sometimes, just sometimes, I give you a little advice and help you on your journey with him as well. I carry you in my heart where ever I am or go, on every journey, every night I lay down to close my eyes I thank God that he gave me you Mom as mine! With good things however comes bad too, and heres some things I want to apologize for so that you know. Im sorry for lying to you about things I should have been just truthful with, im sorry for ever saying hurtful things to you in a rage of anger, im sorry for ever making you cry or making you feel worthless. IM JUST SORRY. Hurting you was never my intentions in any situation and im sorry. I love you so much Mom and this word document, or excuse me, BLOG POST couldnt ever explain it all. You know in your heart how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I would lay down and DIE FOR YOU anyday, anytime and anywhere. Your my rock mom. Im glad your mine too!
---I love you with all of my heart Mom
*Dad- Welllll Dad you know we have fought more times than I can count on all ten fingers and toes!! Yet I still love you just as much!I have enjoyed growing up in softball and truly finding my passion for it! *Crusher* I have always loved it and you being my coach added to it! As well as us coaching Upward basketball together, thats fun! Well Dad thanks for all the things you have taught me and all the things that you continue to teach me. You have always been there for us and havent ever let us down. Just work on that temper ;) but I have it to so I cant say to to much! Take care of Mom and love her unconditionally, shes so strong and beautiful. I know you see that too. Dont let her grieve or get down. I love you Dad and you have always had a big role to me whether you have known it or not. Sorry if I frustrated you with Bry, but I love him more than I have ever thought I could love anyone. Please understand that? You can do great things Dad! Keep pushing foward with everything! AND GO PLAY GOLF MORE! :)
----I love you with all my heart Dad
*Crissy - I love you. You have been my arch enemy, my best friend and everything in between. But mostly you have been my sister. <3 You are beautiful! Dont ever let a man limit you on what you can do or accomplish! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! God gave you a voice and expects you to use it when someone is not doing right by you. Be the voice to something that needs to be expressed. Ultimatly other than me telling you how much I love you I want you to stand up for yourself more. Stop letting peoples opinions of you, or someones rank or someones PURE OUT JEALOUSY get to you. YOU ARE SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT! If only you could see that. Be like me and use your voice to say that your not happy about something, or that your over joyed with something or even that your sad and you need someone to help you. Whatever it is USE YOUR VOICE! NO one should ever tear you down without your consent! Remember that and try to work on it! For me? I love you more than I have probably ever made you feel I did. I need to work on that! Im sorry for not going out with you everytime you asked or doing something when you asked. It didnt mean I didnt love you though! Cause I do! Your beautiful sis, and no one can take that away from you! NEVER.! Be strong, be Godly and always use your voice!
---I love you Crissy with all my heart!
*Bryan - Oh geez, where to start. On the day that im typing this, which is January 18th 2012, we have known each other for 3 years going on 4. Let me just say this, my love for you scares the crap out of me sometimes! I find myself thinking of you all the time and wishing I could be with you all hours of the day. You have not always treated me the way you should have treated me. But somehow I managed to trail behind you and pick up all the pieces of my heart, put them back together somehow and keep on loving you. My tolerance with you also makes me so proud of myself too. You can be a GREAT man Bryan, if you will just try. But thats just it, you have to TRY. You cant just expect everything to fall into your lap without you doing any work for it. Cause it wont happen, not at all! I love you so much! I love you like Christ loves the Church. I love you more than I can ever put into words. All those times that I questioned what you were doing, who you were with..it wasnt to make you mad or make you feel like I didnt trust you. It was BECAUSE I LOVED YOU, and I wanted you to see it. I will love you till I part this green earth and I hope that we do spend the rest of our lives together! I really do, because thats how much I love you. But first you have to be faithful and true to me! Bryan do me a favor though, respect your Mother. She loves you so much and just wants to see you succeed! Shes not trying to make you mad or make you feel unwanted, SHES TRYING TO BE YOUR MOM AND TEACH YOU HOW TO DO THE RIGHT THINGS. Listen to her for me, shes wise and has been where you have been. SHE KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN! Dont lie to her either. Just be HONEST! Secondly I want you to spend more time with your brothers, whether you know it or not they look up to YOU! They see what you do and they want to do it too! Set a positive example for them! That DOESNT include spinning tires and driving crazy with them in the car, cursing, smoking and hanging around people you shouldnt. And lastly Bryan, LEAVE WILLIAM AND EVERYONE WHO GOES WITH HIM ALONEEEE!!!!!!! They cause nothing but drama and problems for EVERYONE! Please, for me? Bryan I love you so much, more than you could ever know or comprehend. I will love you forever, I promise.
---I love you with all my heart Bryan Scott!
*Tina- Well again with you Tina, where to start? You have listened to me rant about your son more times than none. Sometimes I feel like you dont always understand or other things but I always turn to you for advice with him. I love you first off and want you to know that you can do anything, overcome anything and get through ANYTHING you want to. You are an awesome mom to the boys and dont let anyone ever tell you different! They are just jealous and rude people if they try to! I want you to know that I love you dearly, no matter what happens between Bryan and I, I will always love you. Thank you for everything, and I truely mean EVERYTHING!
--I love you Tina!
-Now, im not saying I do. Yet again im not saying that I ever implied that I did, lost yet?
With the way the world is today you just honestly never know and the most important thing, You never know when God needs you to come home.
-So if I were to pass away tomorrow, 7 months from now or 36 years from now I have hope that on the off chance one of my loved ones were browsing here they would stumble across my blog and just see exactly what they meant to me.
-So have you guessed it yet? I bet you have, but if not..im going to write what my loved ones mean to me and what I would want them to know if I would happen to pass away before they do.
*Momma- Oh where to start, you are SUCH a STRONG and BEAUTIFUL lady! You have everything you need to succeed and you dont need ANYONE to help you to get there. You are my role model and have taught me more than you will ever know. Lauren Alaina said it best when she said "Like my mother does", and as you know. That is my song to you. It describes us to a tee. You have never left my side through best (fake) friends, boyfriends, tears, bosses and everything else in between you have been there to wipe away my tears, pull me back to my feet, kiss my cheek and help me press foward. Not only have you been there for me in those areas but have also helped to keep me in check with God. You are willing to hear me out and help me. We also have this cool thing where sometimes, just sometimes, I give you a little advice and help you on your journey with him as well. I carry you in my heart where ever I am or go, on every journey, every night I lay down to close my eyes I thank God that he gave me you Mom as mine! With good things however comes bad too, and heres some things I want to apologize for so that you know. Im sorry for lying to you about things I should have been just truthful with, im sorry for ever saying hurtful things to you in a rage of anger, im sorry for ever making you cry or making you feel worthless. IM JUST SORRY. Hurting you was never my intentions in any situation and im sorry. I love you so much Mom and this word document, or excuse me, BLOG POST couldnt ever explain it all. You know in your heart how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I would lay down and DIE FOR YOU anyday, anytime and anywhere. Your my rock mom. Im glad your mine too!
---I love you with all of my heart Mom
*Dad- Welllll Dad you know we have fought more times than I can count on all ten fingers and toes!! Yet I still love you just as much!I have enjoyed growing up in softball and truly finding my passion for it! *Crusher* I have always loved it and you being my coach added to it! As well as us coaching Upward basketball together, thats fun! Well Dad thanks for all the things you have taught me and all the things that you continue to teach me. You have always been there for us and havent ever let us down. Just work on that temper ;) but I have it to so I cant say to to much! Take care of Mom and love her unconditionally, shes so strong and beautiful. I know you see that too. Dont let her grieve or get down. I love you Dad and you have always had a big role to me whether you have known it or not. Sorry if I frustrated you with Bry, but I love him more than I have ever thought I could love anyone. Please understand that? You can do great things Dad! Keep pushing foward with everything! AND GO PLAY GOLF MORE! :)
----I love you with all my heart Dad
*Crissy - I love you. You have been my arch enemy, my best friend and everything in between. But mostly you have been my sister. <3 You are beautiful! Dont ever let a man limit you on what you can do or accomplish! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! God gave you a voice and expects you to use it when someone is not doing right by you. Be the voice to something that needs to be expressed. Ultimatly other than me telling you how much I love you I want you to stand up for yourself more. Stop letting peoples opinions of you, or someones rank or someones PURE OUT JEALOUSY get to you. YOU ARE SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT! If only you could see that. Be like me and use your voice to say that your not happy about something, or that your over joyed with something or even that your sad and you need someone to help you. Whatever it is USE YOUR VOICE! NO one should ever tear you down without your consent! Remember that and try to work on it! For me? I love you more than I have probably ever made you feel I did. I need to work on that! Im sorry for not going out with you everytime you asked or doing something when you asked. It didnt mean I didnt love you though! Cause I do! Your beautiful sis, and no one can take that away from you! NEVER.! Be strong, be Godly and always use your voice!
---I love you Crissy with all my heart!
*Bryan - Oh geez, where to start. On the day that im typing this, which is January 18th 2012, we have known each other for 3 years going on 4. Let me just say this, my love for you scares the crap out of me sometimes! I find myself thinking of you all the time and wishing I could be with you all hours of the day. You have not always treated me the way you should have treated me. But somehow I managed to trail behind you and pick up all the pieces of my heart, put them back together somehow and keep on loving you. My tolerance with you also makes me so proud of myself too. You can be a GREAT man Bryan, if you will just try. But thats just it, you have to TRY. You cant just expect everything to fall into your lap without you doing any work for it. Cause it wont happen, not at all! I love you so much! I love you like Christ loves the Church. I love you more than I can ever put into words. All those times that I questioned what you were doing, who you were with..it wasnt to make you mad or make you feel like I didnt trust you. It was BECAUSE I LOVED YOU, and I wanted you to see it. I will love you till I part this green earth and I hope that we do spend the rest of our lives together! I really do, because thats how much I love you. But first you have to be faithful and true to me! Bryan do me a favor though, respect your Mother. She loves you so much and just wants to see you succeed! Shes not trying to make you mad or make you feel unwanted, SHES TRYING TO BE YOUR MOM AND TEACH YOU HOW TO DO THE RIGHT THINGS. Listen to her for me, shes wise and has been where you have been. SHE KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN! Dont lie to her either. Just be HONEST! Secondly I want you to spend more time with your brothers, whether you know it or not they look up to YOU! They see what you do and they want to do it too! Set a positive example for them! That DOESNT include spinning tires and driving crazy with them in the car, cursing, smoking and hanging around people you shouldnt. And lastly Bryan, LEAVE WILLIAM AND EVERYONE WHO GOES WITH HIM ALONEEEE!!!!!!! They cause nothing but drama and problems for EVERYONE! Please, for me? Bryan I love you so much, more than you could ever know or comprehend. I will love you forever, I promise.
---I love you with all my heart Bryan Scott!
*Tina- Well again with you Tina, where to start? You have listened to me rant about your son more times than none. Sometimes I feel like you dont always understand or other things but I always turn to you for advice with him. I love you first off and want you to know that you can do anything, overcome anything and get through ANYTHING you want to. You are an awesome mom to the boys and dont let anyone ever tell you different! They are just jealous and rude people if they try to! I want you to know that I love you dearly, no matter what happens between Bryan and I, I will always love you. Thank you for everything, and I truely mean EVERYTHING!
--I love you Tina!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Picking up the Slack.
It has definatly been awhile! For starters im still alive ;) I just recently turned 18 in November of last year and am FINALLY a Senior in High School. I cant wait to graduate it couldnt come any faster! And lastly, I have an amazing boyfriend now. We have been together for almost four months and I couldnt be happier!!
I wont bore you with news of where ive been and what I have been doing, but I have missed blogging and up until today had forgotten all about with everything that has been going on. So I will definatly try to start blogging more and maybe start Spiritual Uplifters again?
God Bless,
Tiffany
I wont bore you with news of where ive been and what I have been doing, but I have missed blogging and up until today had forgotten all about with everything that has been going on. So I will definatly try to start blogging more and maybe start Spiritual Uplifters again?
God Bless,
Tiffany
Friday, January 22, 2010
Boringgg
So im taking online classes in school and im excited!! However im still not registered until monday. But I have to stay in a lab..can you say boringgggg. I havent blogged in awhile so I need to catch up. You will be getting a blog soon I promise!
God Bless,
-Tiffany
God Bless,
-Tiffany
Monday, October 19, 2009
As I Get Older.
As I get older I realize how things change.
im still "young" but growing older in my faith and knowledge
I am beginning to realize true pain, true frustration, true hurt & true love.
We all experience a "broken heart" at some point in life.
and we all experience "death" of a loved one.
or losing "friends" who said they would always be there.
but is that a reason to give up
to say "my life sucks??"
NOOO!
its a time to get on your knees and talk to God!
HE will heal you and get you through it :)
F.A.I.T.H
In Christ,
-Tiffany
im still "young" but growing older in my faith and knowledge
I am beginning to realize true pain, true frustration, true hurt & true love.
We all experience a "broken heart" at some point in life.
and we all experience "death" of a loved one.
or losing "friends" who said they would always be there.
but is that a reason to give up
to say "my life sucks??"
NOOO!
its a time to get on your knees and talk to God!
HE will heal you and get you through it :)
F.A.I.T.H
In Christ,
-Tiffany
Monday, August 31, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)