Finding myself.

It really sucks to see change, and not good change that is. Im talking about change that you know deep down in your heart you dont want.

--Like when you hear the man you have loved for 4 years tell you that no other woman will ever compare to you and that he will always want you and you will always have his heart. Then somehow after he hurts you that final time and your heart finally screams out "OKAY IM DONE, IVE HAD ENOUGHHHH FROM YOU!" Thats when I realize it will never be the same. Which ultimatly sucks.

Now im not saying im not proud of myself that I can give you up so easy, because I am. Jesus helped me with that when I left your house and cried out to God in the comfort and confinment of my 4-runner. I had literally been broken in half and beaten down by your careless actions and words for 3-1/2 years. I had to restore myself not only to get over you but restore myself in Jesus. I am very proud of myself, in fact im ecstatic. But I am ultimatly grieving the fact that I will in time soon lose your family that I love so much and have been so close too..and in fact I will lose you. I dont know why I can honestly feel nothing for you but still love you so much and grieve losing you. I miss hearing your voice, texting you 24/7, seeing you, kissing you..you holding me. I miss it all..every ounce of it. I feel like I wont ever find someone like you..but then I think..isnt that the point? I dont need another you because you HURT me, CHEATED on me, LIED to me, NEGLECTED me and ultimatly scarred me physically and emotionally. Now another man will have to try to fix my trust issues and insecurities. Great. Honestly im honestly so bitter at you because you took my innocence for nothing other than your pleasure with no remorse. And that right there makes me want to hate you! And still to this day that is one thing I hope God never lets you rest with. NEVER.

--Although I am hurting in every aspect I believe I can hurt in, I will press foward. I will rejoice in truth and overcome my doubts. I WILL make it. And I WILL prevail. I can do this with God on my side. He has already proven that to me.

Now just trust him and walk with him Tiffany


<3 God Bless