Hospitals make me weak.
Hospitals strike an immediate fear in me.
Hospitals bring sadness to me.
Hospitals smell funny.
Hospitals are one of my fears.
Today is the end of my Grandmas 3rd week in the hospital. I wanted to share some information on my struggles that goes along with my 3rd spiritual uplifter.
and remember everyone has struggles and doubts
--The first day my grandmother was emitted in the hospital made me have nausia in the pit of my stomach that nothing could cure.
It was at about 2:00 on a Wednesday evening that I was told by my mother that she had been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
I can remember that text message so clearly because I was in English where we were watching the movie "Stranger Than Fiction" and I turned to my friend Miranda; and the look on her face made me know that the look on mine was a million times worse.
I was pale,ghostly white, and I felt like I could have vomited because I had worried myself sick all in a matter of about a minute.
My grandmother who had always made sure that we were fed, never let us put ourselves down, and would have given everything she had to save one of us.
my grandma was in the hospital
2:55 the bell rang to get out of school; I was out of English, through the school parking lot and in my car by 3.
As I sat in that sea green waiting room chair all I could do was bow my head and pray and hope.
The voice of my Aunt telling my parents the news was a blur.
i was officially numb.
somehow I had managed not to cry yet; the worry was too great I guess.
when I heard our named called so that we could go back and see her I rose.
I pushed through the tan doors which felt like they weighed about 2 tons on my palm and entered the 2nd room on the right.
the image of my grandmother in that hospital bed will forever be burned into my memory.
the pain on her face made me want to fall to my knees and ask "Why?".
everyone made no impact that they were there to her.
I turned from the door and walked away as fast as could; and thats when the tears made their entrance that never left.
she was told they were rushing her into immediate surgery because she had an ulcer in her stomach that needed to be repaired asap.
for a reason that I have yet to know they decided to wait on her surgery and put her in a room
room 228
she was in an unexplainable pain for about 2 days.
as the 3rd day rolled around we were all nervous wrecks and her little hospital room couldnt hold all 7 of us but we made sure it did because none of us were leaving and none of us wanted anyone too.
the 2nd memory that I will have forever is when her doctor came into the room, sat down on my grandmas bed and asked to talk to us.
I could read it off his face
that nausia was back, my tears were streaming down my face at an uncontrollable pace and I couldnt make eye contact with anyone.
she was told that they were taking her into immediate surgery, they had to get this repaired before it got so bad that it could take her life.
they couldnt wait any longer.
I couldnt feel my hands, my feet. I couldnt think, my lips were paralyzed and my body couldnt feel the slightest touch of comfort
the numbness had paralyzed every working organ, body part, and feeling in me.
I had nothing; except God and my family.
and when we all held hands,bowed our heads and talked to God I felt a peace inside me that I could never explain to you in words.
for he was with me
the night she was emitted I was on my knees praying for her harder than I have ever prayed for anything in my life.
tomorrow marks her 4th week and that same strong praying for her hasnt yeilded itself.
and it wont.
her surgery was a major surgery in which some people die on the table.
my grandma made it through
I can not give thanks to God enough for all his miracles
and everyday I see him healing her; just like I prayed he would
he got my attention and now I see all his blessings to me.
-I asked "Why?" alot
but I never lost my faith that he was going to shield her and make her okay.
we all ask why at some point.
just give it to God.
he will heal you
he will assure you
he will make you better
he will hold you in his arms
he will NEVER leave you
I hope my story showed you that we aren't all perfect and I never claimed to be.
we all struggle.
and you know when someone says "I think i've cried so much that I couldnt cry for another year"
thats what I feel like now.
take it to God.
I love you Mamaw
God Bless
In Christ,
-Tiffany
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